I Give You...
by Idiosylph
Summary: Quaxo starts to discover things about himself that he never knew before... and feelings he\'s never experianced. PG-13 because of slash
1. Run

I Give You…

I Give You…

Quaxo crawled into his pipe and flopped down with a sigh. He gazed up at the night sky and found constellations with ease. Secretly he envied the stars. They were so beautiful in a mysterious, cold way. And the way they shined always made them look as if they were happy about some mysterious cosmic secret. Meanwhile, down on Earth Quaxo was just another cat in the Jellicle tribe. He was a face in the crowd, nothing more.

His coat was primarily black. A rather ugly type of black to boot. It was flat, not shiny like the black on Alonzo, or Rum Tum Tugger. He had a few white patches, but they were almost gray. Had he bothered to really groom them more, he might have had a passable tuxedo pattern started, but frankly his low self-esteem always left him with a "why-bother?" mentality about it.

Quaxo was just out of kittenhood, a new adult in the tribe. Well, that's what some of the others would tell him, especially when he was getting some work dumped on him. Whenever he wanted to participate in the goings-on of the tribe, he was usually humored and coddled, still treated like a kitten. He supposed that was simply because of his size. Standing at full height, he was only as tall as some of the queens, nowhere near the height of the other toms. In fact, some of the younger kitten toms were taller then him. It was common knowledge that nothing irritated Quaxo more than Pouncival or Tumblebrutus using him as an armrest. He was also very slim. Had Quaxo been human, one might think that he was a dancer. However, in the Junkyard, where toms were expected to be the ones who protected the tribe in the violent clashes against Policles, Pekes, and Strays, Quaxo's light frame was more of a hindrance. His vague and shy manner, which many cats took for anti-social behavior, or just plain arrogance, combined with everything else, made other toms regard Quaxo as downright effeminate. 

The stars continued to dance around in the sky, apparently without a care in the world, and as wonderful as ever.

As he gazed across the Junkyard, Quaxo saw Rum Tum Tugger appear with his normal flock of queens around him. Electra, Etcetera, Jemima, Victoria, Bombaluriana, and tonight Cassandra and Tantomile joined the others in giggling admiration for the most outrageously flamboyant Jellicle in the Junkyard. Sometimes Quaxo wished he could be more like him. Tugger always seemed to know how to get along with people. It seemed as if every unattached queen in the Junkyard was his to do with as he pleased. Even when he got in trouble with Munkustrap or Jennyanydots, he always managed to sweet talk his way out of it. Quaxo counted himself lucky if he was able to get out one sentence to the more senior Jellicles without stuttering, or blanking totally.

Tugger was only a few years older than Quaxo, and prided himself on his looks and his reputation as a "curious cat." _Curious cat is right._ Quaxo thought to himself. Most of what Tugger did both confused and intrigued Quaxo. He supposed it was because the other tom was just so different from himself. Exciting, popular, good-looking, and with an easy personality that everyone loved. Contrasted with Quaxo's plain looks, and social awkwardness.

Quaxo sighed and rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, once again lamenting his situation. _An entirely unexceptional cat in every way, way to go, Quaxo. That has got to be some sort of record. _He thought bitterly to himself. About the only thing he was good at was blending in. He wished that he had something that he could contribute to the tribe. Maybe then the others would finally treat him like a real adult.

_But what?_ He thought to himself. _I can't fight. The Everlasting Cat knows that the others have shown me that time and time again. I sing as well as any of the cats, but that's only good during the Jellicle Ball, once a year._ He knew he could probably out-dance any of the toms, but that only would go to further the idea everyone had of him anyway.

Laying on his back, Quaxo opened his eyes and found himself looking right up at Rum Tum Tugger and his ladies looking down at him. Quaxo's eyes narrowed. He didn't feel like being disturbed right at that moment. "Can I help you?" he asked coldly. Tugger grinned.

"Just wanted to see what the life of the party was up tonight." He answered in his usual cool manner. The girls giggled. Quaxo was not finding any humor in it. 

"Then why are you asking me?" He snapped back. 

Tugger smiled. That only caused Quaxo's frown to grow. Tugger's upbeat manner and the giggling of the girls were only causing his depressed manner to grow. "Just trying to let you join in the group, Quax! You're by yourself too much. You have to have some fun!" 

"And what if I don't want to have fun?" Quaxo grumbled as he rolled over to look the other tom in the face. Using that damn nickname… Tugger's grin only grew.

"Well, if you're going to be stubborn, then we're going to have to socialize you by force." As if on cue, the girls darted forward and grabbed Quaxo, dragging him out of his pipe.

"H… hey! Let me go!" Quaxo yelled. The girls just giggled again.

"Quax, chill out." Tugger said.

Quaxo struggled and thrashed around as much as he could. "I will NOT chill out! Let me go!" Eventually the violence of his thrashing got to be too much for the queens and Quaxo fell to the ground, landing hard on his rear. He fumed inwardly as the queens' giggling broke out into full-fledged laughter. He scrambled to his feet and dashed off into the jungle of the Junkyard, trying to get away from it. 

"Girls, girls, you just lost us a playmate." Tugger playfully chided them as he watched Quaxo vanish into the black of the night. His coats obscuring him entirely before he was all the way out of the Junkyard.

"Awww, but he wasn't being any fun!" Electra and Etcetera said practically in unison. 

Bombalurina slid up to Tugger's side and let her tail wrap around his leg. "You know, we could ditch the others and have some real fun." She whispered into his ear.

Tugger waved her off. "Nah. Actually, I think I'm going to head back to my den and get some shut eye." The girls awwwwed and protested, but Tugger waved his hands at them and started back to his den. "Come on, ladies. I gotta keep myself looking good for you all." The kittens started to giggle and left for their den next to Jennyanydots'. Tantomile returned to her normal reserved state and went in search of her brother, while Cassandra went in search of Alonzo, her more stable boyfriend. Bombalurina fumed for a minute, but then spun on her heel and went in search of one of the free toms. 

Tugger laughed quietly to himself. Those girls were really a trip sometimes. They were a lot of fun to be around, but they were so clingy sometimes. _Not that you never lead them on…_ A tiny sarcastic voice in the back of his mind peeped. 

Quaxo, on the other hand, was something else. Tugger wasn't sure what it was. He wanted to see the little come join the others. He was fairly certain that Quaxo wasn't as arrogant as the others thought him. Some nights Tugger had seen the younger tom sitting out, looking at the night sky with a melancholy look on his face that indicated that there was something that was unseen by the others. Tugger knew the opinions most of the cats (especially the toms) held about Quaxo. He might have had the same labels himself had he not gone out of his way to play himself up as a ladies' cat. But unlike Quaxo, Tugger did have the advantage of height, muscles and a fairly intimidating mane-like ruff.

Quaxo, on the other hand, when he didn't know you were looking at him, had a faint haunted expression. Tugger wondered if the other tom even knew that. He never seemed to. Another thing puzzled Tugger. Occasionally Quaxo would simply stare off into space and have no idea anything had happened. Unfortunately some of the other cats would take that opportunity to do mildly embarrassing things to him, like putting his paw in warm water. Tugger winced at the memory. Even he had found that rather mean. 

He looked back at the shadows Quaxo had vanished into and frowned. The Junkyard could be dangerous at night, and Quaxo wasn't very good at much but running. He hoped that he would be all right. _Ahh, he'll be fine. What are the odds of something actually happening?_

As if in answer, he heard a loud, terrified yowl from the shadows. 

And it sounded like Quaxo… 

Looking around, Tugger didn't see anyone else. He scowled. It was times like this that he regretted making his den so far from the others. He didn't have time to go for help if Quaxo was in real trouble. He paused for a moment, trying to decide the best course of action. Then he finally decided on the only course open to him.

Tugger dashed into the shadows full speed in the direction of the cry.

var yviContents='http://us.toto.geo.yahoo.com/toto?s=76001079 yviR='us';yfiEA(0); geovisit();


	2. Resist

I Give You…

I Give You… II

The laughter echoed in Quaxo's head, taunting him, exposing his worthlessness for his entire psyche to see. He ran and kept running, not caring at all where he was going. He ran past piles and piles of junk, going deeper and deeper into the Junkyard. The laughter just kept getting louder. Quaxo could feel tears starting to well up in his eyes, starting to cloud his sight. He kept running. 

He finally stopped and when he did, he wished he hadn't. He had no idea where he was. Quaxo nervously turned around, looking up at the unfamiliar piles of junk, so like his home, and yet so alien. His tail nervously twitched back and fourth as Quaxo tried to find his scent to back track. No luck. His nervous state and plain lack of tracking talent kept him from picking anything up.

"Great Heaviside…" Quaxo muttered under his breath. Why did they have to go and make him run?! Now he was lost and wouldn't be able to find his way home until morning, if he was lucky. "Stupid queens!" he hissed in frustration. And Tugger? Quaxo paused. He didn't feel any animosity for the other tom… 

Quaxo shook his head. This wasn't any time for thinking of things like that… He had other things to worry about. He looked around to see if he could find any of his footprints. None. The ground was solidly packed dirt. There was some dust, but even his superior Jellicle vision couldn't pick anything up. "I guess I should wait until morning." He said as he looked around for someplace that looked like it would offer some shelter for the night. Nearby, he saw an old truck, turned upside down so that there was a space between the ground and the truck bed that would be a good spot to camp out for the night. 

He made his way over to the truck, jumping slightly at each strange sound. When he reached the truck, he turned and looked up at the sky one last time. The stars were the same. Quaxo smiled. The stars were always there, always constant. He was about to duck under the truck when something caught his eye. He looked back up at the sky and slowly scanned the horizon.

The sky… There was something different about the sky… 

Quaxo's eyes tried to take in the whole horizon in an attempt to find what was different. The color? A deep blue, almost black. That was normal enough. The stars? They danced and shined as always. The Moon? The Moon…

Quaxo shook his head and looked again, just to be sure. There was something different about the Moon. He cocked his head to the side, as if a change of angle would change this strange feeling that was swimming around in his head. No, it didn't change the feeling in the least. Quaxo squinted and searched the Moon, trying to find what was nagging his consciousness. Then it hit him… 

Jellicle. The Moon looked like a Jellicle Moon! 

"But that's impossible…" Quaxo whispered, not believing what he was seeing. He closed his eyes and shook his head again, trying to convince himself that he was simply seeing a figment of a tired mind, but when he opened them again, the image was the same. If anything, it was clearer to him more than ever, even than on the eve of the Jellicle Ball.

"No, no this can't be right..!" Quaxo muttered, resting his head in his hands, but jerking back suddenly in pain and surprise. He looked at his hands with a look of mixed shock and horror on his face. He still felt the burning sensation on the sides of his head from where his hands had been mere moments before. His hands, formally covered with dull, white fur were now black, a slick ebony and seemed to be glossier than even Tugger's coat. The simple fact that his coat color was changing in front of his very eyes should have been enough for the young tom to be concerned with, but he didn't even seem to notice the amazing transformation in front of him. What had his eyes' attention was the faint blue glow that was emanating from them. The pale color of the glow would make one think that it should be cool to the touch, but Quaxo's hands felt like they were burning! Tears welled up in his eyes from the searing pain and he couldn't help a whimper pass through his lips. 

As if his whole body was conspiring against him in some cruel plan, Quaxo felt the burning pain making its presence known in his legs, causing him to drop to the ground. Hoping to stop the pain, Quaxo drew his body into a tight ball, only to let out an ear-piercing scream when the mysterious glow around his extremities seared his face and torso even more when contact was made. 

Feeling his body being consumed by the glow and the pain, Quaxo simply lay on his side and allowed himself to cry. 

It reached the top of his arms, and Quaxo could feel it creep onto his torso, spreading down towards his chest, and up along his shoulders to his head. Below, it had reached his thighs and he could feel it spread down his tail. 

Quaxo's entire body shuddered as the two masses of light and pain slowly crept towards one another. Quaxo arched his back and stretched his arms and legs in strange writhing motions, as the pain twisted itself into something unlike he had ever experienced before. His mind felt like it was being twisted, pulled and molded into some strange shape, one that Quaxo couldn't even recognize as his own. Slowly the twisting snapped him from his body, the pain suddenly gone completely, replaced by a strange feeling of euphoric freedom that he was amazed by, yet terrified of. No longer did he see himself in the Junkyard. Gone were the piles of human-created refuse that provided shelter, and provided an occasional meal. Even the sky and its stars, the one thing in his life that had had been constant, was suddenly gone. In their place was a vastness that he never could have imagined before. 

He felt like he was floating, yet anchored. The sky around him was endless black. Not the deep midnight blue of the sky above the Junkyard, but black. It was black like the deepest pools of water, yet here he seemed to be able to see the stars even better than before. He seemed closer to them, as if he could reach out and touch them. There was an air about this place that was frightening, yet comforting… The stars that circled him looked warmer than the ones back in the Junkyard. They almost looked like they were reaching out to him, urging him to come to them…

For a moment, Quaxo stood as still as a statue. He was frightened, more than he had ever been before in his life. Nothing about this made sense! _I didn't belong here!_ He wanted to yell. _Leave me alone and let me go home!_

::Do not deny what you must become.:: The words came softly as a whisper into his mind. _::There must be one in every generation.::_

Quaxo started and looked around, and didn't see anyone. Just the blackness and the stars. _No! Let me go home!_

::You must accept it.:: the voice whispered again. _::You are the one whose Ineffable Name must be known.::_

Whoever you are, you're nuts! Quaxo screamed in his mind. _I don't even know what my Ineffable Name is!_

The Whisper was silent for a moment. _::When you are ready to accept it, you will learn it.:: _

Then the blackness enveloped him.

Tugger skirted around piles of junk, trying to keep on course toward where the scream sounded like it came from. Quaxo had a distinctive scent, making his own path easy to find, and for that, Tugger was eternally grateful. He felt guilt gnawing away at him. If only he hadn't decided that it would be a good idea to try to get Quaxo out. If only the girls hadn't laughed when they dropped him. If only… _If, if, if. That's not going to do anything._ Tugger's mind snapped to him. 

He's so small, Tugger thought, _to delicate to fight anything that might be out there._ That thought only served to make the tom push himself harder. Turning the next bend in the maze that was the Junkyard, Tugger saw something that made him come to a sudden stop and take cover behind an old washing machine. 

There was a small clearing amidst the piles of junk, and laying next to an old overturned van was the body of a cat. Tugger did his best to try to see better who it was, but the darkness surrounding the cat made it almost impossible. All Tugger could see from his cover was a black cat, with a white face and chest.

It **looks** like Quaxo…Tugger thought. _But Quaxo has more white, and the black is… is wrong._ He quietly moved a little closer, his mostly black coat giving him enough cover to blend in with the shadows with the other cat being unaware of his presence. Once he was a little closer, he saw that the colors were indeed wrong. The white was far whiter than the grayish white of Quaxo's coat, and glossy ebony fur covered this cat's entire body except for the half-hidden face, partially visible chest and a dusting of white on the ears. The rest of the body was covered in a glossy black, a far cry from the matte black of Quaxo's coat. He was going to move a little closer to the still figure, when he detected a hint of movement. Then there was a sound. It was something between a groan and a painful whimper and the cat's figure slowly curled into a ball and even from his distant standpoint, Tugger could see that the other cat was trembling violently.

Tugger was confused. Really confused. Here was a scent trail that led to Quaxo, a yell that sounded like Quaxo, but this cat didn't look like Quaxo. The physical differences might not have meant much to a human but to cats, many of whom look very similar, little details made a great deal of difference. Sometimes one cat could be differentiated from another only by a shade of a coat, or by a stripe or two. But the smell was right… And that's what drew Tugger in closer to the strange cat. 

var yviContents='http://us.toto.geo.yahoo.com/toto?s=76001079 yviR='us';yfiEA(0); geovisit(); 


	3. Realization

I Give You… III

I Give You… III

Tugger crept closer to the prone form of the other cat. Every so often the unknown cat would shudder, causing Tugger to pause in his tracks until the stranger returned to his previously near still state. It wasn't until he was nearly right on top of the other cat, that he made an attempt to try to see more of the features of the stranger, to see who he was. 

Slowly and quietly, Tugger raised his hand and gently placed it on the black cat's shoulder, to turn him on his back. The body, previously moving slightly every few seconds, was a dead weight and rolled over with a thud. One arm of the body still partially obscured the face and Tugger carefully lifted it and lay it on the cat's chest. 

Tugger looked at the cat's face and found himself looking right at what looked like Quaxo's visage. The larger tom's brows furrowed as he tried to understand exactly what was happening. He was fairly certain now that this was Quaxo, but… 

He cocked his head to the side, taking in everything in the scene in front of him. Quaxo was lying still, almost deathly still in front of him. The rise and fall of his chest was barely visible to Tugger, so faint that he carefully placed his ear to the smaller tom's body to double-check for a heartbeat. Finding one, he looked around the clearing. A strange area of the Junkyard, it would be better to find shelter for the rest of the night. The overturned truck, where Quaxo had been heading in the first place, was as good a place as any other was. 

Quaxo was light in Tugger's arms, something that somewhat surprised the older tom. He had never thought Quaxo was so small. Lying in Tugger's arms, he only looked more vulnerable than usual. Gently, Tugger brushed some ruffed fur back into place along Quaxo's head and smiled. This new black and white look would have been nice on a queen…

Doesn't look half-bad on Quaxo, either…

Tugger stopped in mid-step at that thought. Did that just come from him? He shook his head and carefully ducked under the bed of the truck. As he did, he heard the first signs of a rainstorm outside. Tugger made one quick trip out from under the bed of the truck to find some old sheets or cushions that he could use to make an over-night den and carefully settled Quaxo onto them when he returned. 

Then he sat on the other side of the shelter and thought. 

Tugger was confused. This was Quaxo, he was sure of it by the scent and by the face. But everything else was off. What had happened to Quaxo? Tugger's eyes roamed over the small form in front of him. The black, while deep enough to blend in with the shadows, appeared to almost reflect what little light made it into the shelter, totally unlike anything he had ever seen. Faint light played off of it, acting to highlight the delicately muscled legs of the small cat. The white, what was left of it, was clearly visible to his eyes. Together the two elements exposed the outline of Quaxo's body perfectly. From the gentle curve of his face, to the toned, well-defined legs that Tugger knew must come from hours of dancing. 

Tugger had seen Quaxo dancing solo only one time before. The smaller cat's distant manner normally prevented him from doing things that would attract attention to him. But once, when he had thought himself alone, Tugger had watched with mixed admiration and curiosity as Quaxo had danced. He remembered the fluid movements, incredible leaps and almost seductive grace with which the spontaneous dance flowed. Had Quaxo possessed enough self-confidence to dance for the others like he did for himself, and with a sharper looking coat, Tugger had no doubt that Quaxo would have been quite a hit with the younger queens. The dance was a memory that had lingered with Tugger, for one reason or another, he wasn't sure why. It was a pleasant memory. Tugger had reflected upon it many times when he was in unpleasant situations. 

There were a lot of pleasant memories of Quaxo, when he thought about it. A silky voice when he wasn't stammering or yelling. A gentle smile when he saw the night sky and the stars. His eyes, that could change from blue to black depending on his mood. Quaxo had a certain other worldly feeling about him. Tugger didn't know if any of the other cats felt that way about Quaxo, but to him, there had always been something. And now there was this. He let out a sigh, still in the dark about what had happened. 

Outside the rain continued to fall in a steady shower.

"Uuuhhg…" Tugger heard the moan moments before he saw any movement from Quaxo. The larger tom was by Quaxo's side quickly, ready to take action if anything was wrong. Quaxo's face contorted slightly, indicating mild discomfort, but nothing that told Tugger that he was in any great pain. 

"Quaxo? Can you hear me?" Tugger asked quietly, propping Quaxo up with his arm.

Quaxo's eyes opened slowly, but they were glazed and he was unable to focus. "Tugger?" He whispered. Tugger was frightened by how weak his voice sounded. "Tugger, are we home?" 

Tugger shook his head. "No. We're out in the Junkyard. I found you lying right outside. Are you alright?"

"Nightmare…" Quaxo muttered. 

Tugger settled himself so Quaxo could use his whole body as a support. "A nightmare? Wanna tell me about it?"

Quaxo's eyes started to clear a bit. "There was black... And the stars looked like you could touch them… But then there was a voice…" He paused, not sure if he should proceed.

"Go on." Tugger gently prompted. "I'm here to listen."

Quaxo was silent for a moment; unsure if this was just another attempt to get a laugh at his expense, or if Tugger was genuinely concerned. Finally, he sighed and continued. "There was a voice. It said that I was a cat whose Ineffable Name was to be known by everyone." He choked a minute, and Tugger was afraid that Quaxo was going to cry. The little tom looked so vulnerable, but Tugger resisted a sudden urge to wrap a protective arm around him. "At the beginning of it all," Quaxo went on, "I felt like I was burning up. It had started with my hands and feet, but eventually it felt like my entire body was on fire. My hands and feet were all black and anywhere they touched, they burned…" Quaxo trailed off as his eyes finally cleared and adjusted to the light in the shelter. 

It hadn't been a nightmare…

"Heaviside…" He whispered as he saw that his nightmare had suddenly come crashing into his reality. "Wha… what's happening to me?" 

Tugger heard Quaxo's breath start to come in short, shallow gasps as Quaxo was working himself into a panic. "No, no, no! This can't be happening! I'm still dreaming! I have to be!" He struggled to get to his feet and managed to stumble a few feet before letting out a yelp of pain and collapsing. Before he hit the ground, he felt Tugger's arms around him, gently leading him back to the makeshift bed.

His eyes, still wide and full of fear, Quaxo could now only sit and tremble at what had happened. After a moment he started at the feeling of Tugger's hand on his shoulder. Quaxo turned and saw the other Jellicle wearing a concerned look on his face. "Tugger, what's happening to me?" he asked pleadingly, like a child who didn't understand something. 

For once in his life, the only thing that Tugger could do was shake his head, not knowing just how to answer. Quaxo's remaining strength appeared to flood out of him as he let himself slump forward. Tugger caught Quaxo in his arms and gently drew him close to himself as the smaller tom broke down in tears. Tugger gently stroked Quaxo's head, silently encouraging him to release everything. 

After a while, the tears would no longer come. Quaxo quietly rested the weight of his body on Tugger's chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breath. Two strong arms encircled him, providing a feeling of warmth and security that he welcomed eagerly. He felt Tugger's fur through his own. The short, sleek fur of his black coat and spots, and the longer fine fur that made up his mane was a pleasant feeling. But, also somewhat unsettling…

"You feeling better?" Tugger asked, when he noticed that Quaxo was now quiet. Quaxo nodded and pulled himself up somewhat reluctantly.

"So, what do I do now?"

"What?"

"What do I do now?" Quaxo repeated. "It's not like I can just waltz back into the Junkyard looking like this and not have anyone notice." 

"And why not" Tugger asked. "You're going to have to do something, and at the very least, Old Deuteronomy might be able to help you figure out what happened."

Quaxo sighed. "I… I don't know." Quaxo sighed. "Look at me, Tugger! This sort of thing just doesn't happen! I'm freakish… that's what I am. That ought to give the girls something to laugh about." He laughed ruefully. 

"Quaxo," Tugger said, "you're not some kind of freak."

"Then how do you explain this, Tugger!?" Quaxo snapped. 

Tugger was getting impatient. "I can't, okay. I'm not like Old Deuteronomy, or Coricopat and Tantomile. I don't get this sort of thing. All I know is that I see a cat that I've known since we were both kits. Sure something's happened to you, Quaxo, but who knows what and who knows why? This might be something the Everlasting Cat wants to happen, for all you know."

"But why me?" Quaxo buried his head in his hands. "Why me? I'm not the cat for that sort of thing! Munkustrap is, Victoria is, Cassandra is, Alonzo is! I'm probably the smallest, weakest, most useless cat in the entire tribe. I can't handle this sort of thing."

Tugger didn't know what to say. Sitting in front of him was Quaxo, probably the most graceful, sensual, and… beautiful cat he had ever seen, and the fool was calling himself useless? Quaxo carefully got to his feet again, and started to pace around the den. His tail was twitching with agitation, and his arms were crossed over his chest in as if he was trying to keep everything away from him.

Tugger watched as Quaxo paced. It was strange, to see him like this. It was as if Tugger was seeing him for the first time. He had known that Quaxo was handsome, but this sudden change seemed to heighten the innate sensuality that the Tugger had always felt surrounded him. The light playing off of his lustrous coat highlighted the fluid movements of the toned muscles underneath. Streaks of black painted the canvas of Quaxo's face, gracefully feathering on the sides of his face and forming elegant designs around his eyes. Tugger wondered if Quaxo was really as oblivious to his own beauty as he appeared. Even if he didn't, Tugger knew that Quaxo was having some sort of effect on him that was both exciting and disquieting. 

It was the same feeling that he had felt at times for the occasional queen. No, not the same, this was stronger, more intense. The times he had been with Bombalurina, Cassandra, they never made him feel like this. What was this? Tugger's mind flashed back to earlier, when he was tending to an unconscious Quaxo. Attraction? Physical attraction to another tom? Tugger broke his gaze away from the pacing cat, trying to straighten out his thoughts. He liked Quaxo, yeah, but was it really like that? His heart had sunk when he had thought that Quaxo was in real danger, true… There was one way to find out for sure. 

"Quaxo." Tugger took a deep breath and got up off of the bed and again rested a hand on the smaller cat's shoulder. He looked at Quaxo, whose eyes had that haunted look in them, but they were most brilliant blue that he had ever seen. They were enough to almost make Tugger lose his nerve all together. He took another breath and steadied himself.

"Quaxo, if you keep saying these things about yourself, I'm going to have to take some drastic steps to show you otherwise." Tugger said softly. 

Quaxo just stared at him for a moment and shook his head. "Tugger," he whispered sadly, "I'm only saying what's true."

Tugger shook his head. "Quaxo, have you ever taken a good look in the mirror? Especially in the last few minutes?" Quaxo shook his head no. Tugger smiled softly and gently placed his free hand on the side of Quaxo's face. "You should, you know. I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful cat." 

There, he had said it! Now what?

var yviContents='http://us.toto.geo.yahoo.com/toto?s=76001079 yviR='us';yfiEA(0); geovisit(); 


	4. Romance

I Give You… IV

I Give You… IV

Tugger watched Quaxo's face, trying to read a tangled mix of emotions that were running over the smaller cat's face. Those blue eyes, with their haunted appearance, simply looked at him for a moment, their owner unsure of what to do or say. "Tugger…" Quaxo stammered, vocally regressing into the introverted cat that Tugger was so familiar with. "Tugger, don't say things like that. Don't say things that aren't right." He turned, breaking away from Tugger's touch.

The choice of words didn't escape Tugger, but he decided to ignore Quaxo's implication. "Quaxo, I've known you since we were kits. I wouldn't lie to you." The larger tom softly placed his hand back on Quaxo's shoulder. He felt Quaxo stiffen under his hand, but smiled when it was not shrugged off. Encouraged, he gently turned the smaller tom back to face him again. He smiled softly when he saw that Quaxo was blushing. The bright white fur of Quaxo's coat did little to hide the deep red blush. "Besides," he continued, "what's not right about telling the truth?"

Outside the rain was still falling. 

Quaxo stood quietly. His face was turned slightly to the right, not wanting to meet Tugger's eyes. Under his calm façade, Quaxo's heart was racing. He didn't know how to react, what to do. He was close to Tugger. The warmth the other cat's body gave off was so inviting. For once in his life, Quaxo found himself actually wishing that he was a queen. Then at least, he would have been able to accept the comfort that was standing in front of him. It would be so easy just to forget… 

The pain.

The fear.

The frustration. 

Quaxo finally gathered up enough courage to look Tugger in the eyes. When he did; however, his knees almost melted out from under him. Tugger's eyes were deep brown, the color rich and warm. Quaxo had never really ever looked at Tugger in the eyes before. Truthfully, he had always spent most of his time trying to avoid direct confrontation with the older tom. But those eyes… Tender. That was the only word that Quaxo could describe them with. He swallowed, frantically trying to figure out what to do what to say. These feelings, these emotions, they couldn't be right! Tugger was a queen's tom. Bombalurina, Cassandra, the queen kits, where did they figure in now? 

The rain had turned into a storm. A flash of lightning scorched the night sky, followed seconds later by the roar of the accompanying thunder. The petite tom jumped back from the entrance to the shelter, slamming square into Tugger, sending them both back onto the bed. 

As Tugger lay there, getting his wind back, he felt Quaxo's small frame shivering in fright. He propped himself up on his elbows to see Quaxo lying on top of him, curled into a ball, totally unaware that he was on Tugger. Despite Quaxo's earlier skittishness, Tugger wrapped his arms around the smaller tom, drawing him closer. The contact with Tugger appeared to have a calming effect on Quaxo. His trembling eased, and his eyes opened. Tugger let one arm drop, giving Quaxo plenty of room to move if he wanted.

Quaxo didn't move. He simply lay there. _No point in pretending I don't like it._ He thought to himself. Tugger's strong body felt so safe. It was the only thing that felt safe to him now. Everything else was strange and weird. Even Quaxo's own body felt as if it had betrayed him in some way. 

Tugger was somewhat surprised when Quaxo didn't move, but he was glad. Tugger had been unsure what he was really feeling earlier when he had simply been watching Quaxo. This helped him start to figure it out. As he lay on his back, Quaxo still on top of him, Tugger gently let his free hand run from Quaxo's head to just below the shoulders. The fur was sleek, soft, and very fine. Quaxo felt like he was still trembling. Tugger frowned. How could one clap of thunder scare a cat so badly? Then he realized what it was.

Quaxo was crying. 

Quickly but gently rolling over, Quaxo found himself under Tugger and turned away. This time he was not so much bashful as he was ashamed. Quickly, Quaxo turned to hide the tears that were streaming down his face. These tears were different from the ones earlier. He had been frightened then, Tugger a source of friendship and comfort. Now, he was the cause of Quaxo's confusion and shame. 

"What's wrong, Quaxo?" Tugger asked softly. 

Quaxo was barely audible. "I'm sorry." He choked back a sob that threatened to overtake him. 

Tugger lay back down next to Quaxo. "What do you have to be sorry for, Quaxo?" He asked softly. "You haven't done anything."

"These thoughts… I… I can't sort these thoughts out!" Quaxo cried. "They're all flying around in my head, and none of them make any sense." He paused for a moment. "They're frightening me, Tugger." He whispered. 

"Talk to me, Quaxo." Tugger murmured. "You can tell me anything." He gave Quaxo a reassuring touch on the shoulder and got up off the bed. Quaxo sensed his leaving immediately and sat up, his eyes following the other cat. Tugger walked lazily over to the door to the den. He looked outside at the rain, which was still coming down in sheets. Calmly, he removed his collar and tossed it to one side of the bed. Quaxo's eyes followed its path and watched as it landed with a dull thud. "Damn thing's a pain to sleep in." Tugger said simply. Quaxo only nodded.

Tugger came back to the bed and sat down next to Quaxo. The smaller cat let his head roll back as he sighed. "Tugger?"

"Hmmmm?" 

Quaxo sighed. "Earlier, did you mean that?"

"Did I mean what?"

"You know." 

"Do I?"

Quaxo hissed. "Why do you have to make this so hard?"

"All right." Tugger smiled. "Of course I meant what I said."

"Can you tell me why you said it?"

"Because it's the truth." 

"Even so, Tugger… I'm a tom. You're a tom." He bit his lip and hesitantly looked up at Tugger. "That's not… I mean, isn't that kind of weird?"

Tugger smiled kindly at Quaxo and placed a hand on Quaxo's face. This time Quaxo didn't move and he didn't freeze. He just sat there, begging Tugger for answers that were having a hard time coming. "Maybe." He answered. 

Quaxo looked down at himself. "Was it because of this?" He asked. 

Tugger was quiet for a moment. Quaxo felt a strange sinking in his stomach. Why did he want Tugger to say that there was something more? Why did he for some reason hope that this strange transformation wasn't the only reason for Tugger's words?

Tugger shook his head. "No." His words came suddenly, and Quaxo felt a peculiar lightness in his chest. "No. It wasn't this." Tugger let his hand lightly trace the muscles of Quaxo's back. Quaxo inhaled sharply and a shiver ran down his spine. "This only made me sure that I had to say something." Tugger's voice was a whisper as he moved closer to Quaxo. "I've seen you dance, Quaxo. That's what did it. That's when I knew there was something."

"M… my dancing?" Quaxo asked. His heart was racing.

"Hmmmm." Tugger purred. He moved behind Quaxo, gently massaging the muscles in the younger tom's back. They were tense, but soon began to relax under Tugger's gentle but strong hands. "I saw you under the full moon about four months ago. The dance was beautiful, just like the artist."

The feeling of Tugger behind Quaxo was strangely thrilling to the younger tom. Taking a deep breath, Quaxo twisted his body around finding himself face to face with Tugger. Only inches separated the two. Tugger looked easily down towards the younger tom, who was trying hard to keep eye contact. 

"Scared?" Tugger asked gently. Quaxo only nodded. "There's nothing to be scared of." He said as he ran his fingers through the thick black fur by Quaxo's ears. "Toms, queens, the emotion's the same." 

Tugger gently drew Quaxo closer to him. Quaxo was thankful that Tugger had removed his collar. The spikes on it would have been more than a little awkward. Turning the smaller tom, Tugger soon had the younger tom straddling his lap. Quaxo felt like his heart was racing a mile a minute, and when Tugger kissed him for that first time, it felt like he would explode. 

Quaxo's first kiss was clumsy and hesitant. He was unsure of what he had to do. He had never kissed a queen before, much less a tom. But Tugger was tender and patient with him, silently guiding and teaching. When Tugger finally broke off the kiss, he studied Quaxo wordlessly. 

Quaxo didn't say a word. He ran his tongue over his lips slowly, savoring the lingering taste of the kiss.

"How was it?" Tugger finally asked, breaking the silence. 

Quaxo looked up. This time he reached out a single black hand to touch the side of Tugger's face. Tugger smiled and leaned into Quaxo, and the two were once again engaged in a warm, tender kiss.

This time, Tugger gently started to explore Quaxo in the small cat's entirety. He rolled Quaxo onto his back and gazed once again into those blue eyes. This time; however, they were not haunted. They were focused, warm, and centered on Tugger. 

Tugger gently kissed Quaxo on the neck and shoulders, causing Quaxo to shudder with excited pleasure. Smiling at the result, Tugger gently ran his hand along Quaxo's body, gently sliding on the slick fur. A pleasured purr escaped Quaxo's lips, and Tugger felt the eager thrashing of Quaxo's tail as it wrapped and unwrapped itself around the larger tom's leg. Meanwhile, Quaxo let his hands feel Tugger's strong form, running his fingers through the soft mane and ruff. Quaxo pulled Tugger closer to him. The weight and scent of the older tom was comforting; it felt impossible to overindulge in it. 

"Tugger…" Quaxo purred, feeling content for the first time in Heaviside knew how long. He couldn't repress a short yawn. Tugger looked down at him, a gentle smile on his face. The larger tom shifted and lay down next to Quaxo, and pulled him close. Tugger would have liked to go a little longer, but if Quaxo was tired, he didn't want to push. As Quaxo lay next to Tugger, he felt the Curious Cat's fingers running gently along his back. Another purr came from Quaxo's small frame, and then the little tom was fast asleep. Tugger smiled and decided that sleep sounded like a good idea. He rested his head just above Quaxo's and soon he too was sleeping deeply.

var yviContents='http://us.toto.geo.yahoo.com/toto?s=76001079 yviR='us';yfiEA(0); geovisit(); 


	5. Return

I Give You 5

I Give You... V

Tugger's ears twitched, the sound of gently falling rain on the bottom of the truckbed gently rousing him to wakefullness. His eyelids flickered open and he lay back for a moment, allowing them to adjust to the dull light that filtered into the makeshift den from outside. He felt an odd weight on his body, and looking down, saw Quaxo laying there, tail wrapped around one leg, and sleeping with a peaceful look on his face.

Sometime during the night, Quaxo's coat had changed again. It was still a slick black and brilliant white, but the pattern was back to what it had been the day before. All except for the face. Tugger let a finger gently trace the black stripes that had appeared on Quaxo's face, making it into a living canvas of sorts. His finger traced down Quaxo's forehead, down the bridge of his nose and finally traced around the delicate curve of his lips.

With a soft smile on his face, Tugger thought back to the night before. It had been unlike anything he had ever experianced with a queen. Sure there hadn't been any _real_ lovemaking going on, but just having Quaxo's body so close, to taste the smaller tom's lips... The flavor was still vivid to Tugger. Quaxo had been shy, like any cat would be their first time so close to someone in that sort of situation. It was sort of cute. 

Under Tugger's finger, Quaxo's face gave an involuntary twich, and a lazy paw sleeply batted at Tugger's own. The older tom simply smiled and removed the offending hand, letting it instead run the legnth of Quaxo's back. The small paw stopped in mid-bat and Quaxo's face relaxed into smile as he purred in his sleep. His body gently shifted into Tugger's hand, ejoying the feeling of it. Tugger couldn't help but smile. It was sort of like watching a kitten sleep. And, although he felt like he could be happy simply laying there forever, he knew that they would have to go back to the Junkyard eventually. Propping himself up on his elbows, Tugger planted a gentle kiss on Quaxo's forehead. "Hey, time to wake up." He whispered softly. Tugger watched as Quaxo's eyes slowly opened, and then fluttered a few times to get the sleep shaken from them. Looking up, he saw Tugger looking back down at him.

"Tugger?" He whispered, his mind racing to recall the night before. After a few moments, a small, shy smile crossed his face as he looked up at the other tom. "Hmmmm, what time is it?" He asked quietly, letting his chin rest on Tugger's chest and looking up at him with bright blue eyes. Tugger let out a sigh.

"Time to get back to the Junkyard." He said with a reluctant look on his face. "The others are going to start wondering what happened to us if we don't show up soon."

Quaxo's face suddenly clouded. "I... I don't know Tugger..." The small tom suddenly looked away and rolled off Tugger to sit beside him. "How am I supposed to explain everything?"

Tugger sighed and pulled Quaxo back towards him. "Well, we could start by saying you finally started taking an active interest in cleaning your coat." He purred softly into Quaxo's ear. "That could partially explain the sudden change in your coat. If you hadn't noticed, your patterns are back to normal at least."

Quaxo looked down and his eyes widened at the realization that Tugger was right. His coat was back to normal in the sense that the pattern was back to the familiar tuxedo pattern with some additional white spots. He let his head fall back against Tugger's ruff. "I... I guess. But Tugger, I don't understand this at all..." He choked. "This is crazy." But at the same time, for the first time, his fear and terror was slowly being replaced by a strange sort of facination with the changes that were happening to him. There was no longer any pain, and having his coat back to it's normal patterns had calmed him somewhat. Even the message of the strange voice from the void was starting to pick at his curiosity. That, coupled with these new emotions he had found with Tugger, life was starting to look very different for the young tom. Quaxo looked up at Tugger, gently brushing away a few locks of fur from Tugger's ruff. "Tugger... Do you think that Old Deuteronomy really might be able to help me?"

Tugger shrugged. "If any cat can, it's him." Then, gracefully, Tugger got up onto his feet, gently pulling Quaxo up with him. "But we won't know until we ask, now will we?" He said with a smile. Smoothly, he grabbed his collar from where he had tossed it the night before and put it back on. Then he spent a few minutes straightening out his mane and ruff out so that it suited him. Quaxo smiled slightly and shook his head.

"You're right, I guess."

"'Course I'm right. I'm the Rum Tum Tugger." Said with his usual bravado.

"And a terrible bore." Quaxo slipped in. Tugger looked down in shock at the words, but grinned again when he saw the impish smile on Quaxo's face. It was an expression that he'd never seen on the younger tom's face before, but it fit it perfectly. A knowing smile that hid something deeper.

The two exited their shelter, the rain had given way to sunny skies. The rays of light filtered through a few remaining clouds and played on Quaxo's fur, shining blue in some spots. As they walked back to the main area of the Junkyard, Tugger pondered Quaxo some more. Now that he could see Quaxo in full light, he didn't know if his first suggestion was going to satisfy the other cats. The kittens, maybe. Well, maybe not Jemima and Victoria. Those two sometimes seemed to know an awful lot about what actually was going on. Munkustrap and Jennyanydots would be hard to pass anything over, and he could forget about the twins right off. Tugger's only hope about getting Quaxo to Old Deuteronomy without incident was to avoid most of the tribe. That was going to be tough. He had a hard enough time trying to avoid queens and kittens when he wanted some time to himself. What were the odds that he would be able to avoid them when he had something _really_ important to keep private?

Suddenly, Tugger started as he felt something on his shoulder. Looking over, he saw Quaxo looking up at him with a slightly concerned look on his face. "Tugger, is something wrong?" He asked quietly.

"I was just thinking." 

"About what?"

"About how I'm going to get you to Old Deuteronomy without running into every single member of the tribe." Tugger frowned. "You know how it is: Anytime you don't want to run into someone is the time that they decide to show up."

Quaxo was silent for a moment and nodded. "I understand. What do you think I should do?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out." Tugger said. "I've gotta find some way to keep them away from you until Old Deuteronomy can figure out what happened."

Quaxo thought for a moment, then looked up at Tugger. "What if you just do what you normally do?"

"What?" Tugger asked. "What do you mean by that?" Quaxo grined.

"Go out and be the center of attention." he explained. "You make one grand entrance into the Junkyard, I guarantee you'll have the attention of every queen and kitten there. Probably most of the other adults too. That gives me a chance to find Old Deuteronomy."Tugger was quiet for a few minutes thinking over the idea. It would probably work; he did have a way of grabbing attention when he wanted it. But after last night, he wasn't sure if he could pull it off with the usual gusto. Noticing Tugger's silence, Quaxo looked up at the older tom. "Or, I could roll around in a mud hole. I'd look just like I did before."

Tugger sighed. "Don't think that'd work." 

"Why not?

"Well, for one, first time one of the kittens decides to douse you with water, or it rains, your cover's blown." Tugger explained. "Second of all, there's your face."

Quaxo looked confused. "What about my face?"

Surprised, Tugger gently pulled Quaxo to an old mirror. "You didn't look like that before." he pointed out, letting a finger trace the lines that now marked Quaxo's face. "You seem to have aquired a few new markings."

Fingers trembling a little, Quaxo let his own hand touch the markings. "Heaviside..." Then he let his hand drop. "Tugger, I don't think I can face Old Deuteronomy today." He stuttered. "I... I just don't think I can."

Tugger was quiet. Quaxo was still jittery over everything that had happened. He supposed he couldn't blame him, Tugger knew he would be scared too. Wrapping his arms around Quaxo, Tugger pulled the small tom close to his body. "Then don't. I'll do what I can to keep the others away until you figure out what you want to do." Tugger purred softly and ran his fingers gently through the fur on Quaxo's head. He felt the black tom sigh, and let out a soft purr.

"Thank you, Tugger." he whispered. Then he looked up. "But I guess we should figure out what we're going to do."

***

"TUGGER!" Etcetera squealed as she spotted the two toms walking into the Junkyard. Behind her, three other furry heads, Jemima, Electra and Victoria, all popped up from their nap. Tugger wore a typically broad grin on his face as he sauntered into the main clearing of the Junkyard, Quaxo a few steps behind him, looking grungey and dour. "Where'd you go?!" Etcetera asked, sliding up to her hero. "We couldn't find you this morning."

Tugger tossed his head back at Quaxo, who was slinking off to find his pipe. "Had to go rescue Quax." he said casually. "Got himself lost last night."

"No thanks to you." Quaxo muttered, shaking his head a little to get rid of the mud that was threatening to drip into his face. The kittens made faces.

"Why's Quaxo all messy?" Jemima asked. "He looks like he jumped into a mud puddle."

Tugger shrugged. "Lost his balance when we were walking back." he said casually, hoping the observant kitten wouldn't see through the lie. She nodded, and turned her attention back to Tugger. Taking his opportunity, Quaxo made a break for his pipe. It wasn't too far from here, and it was far enough away from the rest of the tribe that, if he made it, there would be very little chance that he would have to face anyone.

Finally reaching his den, Quaxo was careful not to tread on his blankets. The mud covering his coat was still wet. He hated having to disguise himself like this, but until he was ready to face the others, it was the only option. Quaxo let himself lay down on the oldest of his blankets. He wouldn't worry about this one. There were holes in it, and he would have been getting rid of it in a short time anyway. Soon, his eyelids felt heavy, and he was unable to keep them open. _Funny._ Quaxo thought. _I got a full night's sleep. Why am I so tired?_ Blackness was welling up in front of him, and soon he lay there, unconcious.

_::Why do you hide? You will have to face them eventually.::_

Quaxo's eyes flew open to find himself in the star-filled void that he had visited the night before. He looked down to see that his coat had changed back to the pure black and white that it had been transformed to by the blue glow. _Where are you!?_ he demanded. This time, he was more angry than frightened.

_::Why do you hide?::_ The voice asked again.

_Because I'm a freak!_ Quaxo shouted. _What am I supposed to tell them?!_

The voice was silent for a few moments. _::There is one in every generation. A Jellicle who has powers beyond those of the others. You are such a Jellicle, but you must accept it. Unless you accept it, you will not become what it is you must become.::_

Quaxo's hands clenched. _How can I accept anything when I don't know what I'm dealing with?!_

Silence.

_Answer me!_ Quaxo yelled into the darkness. _What am I supposed to become? Please tell me! I can't accept anything unless you tell me!_

For a moment it seemed as if the mysterious voice had vanished completely. Quaxo looked around, seeing the darkness, the stars, but nothing else. Then, there was one last word, almost too soft to be heard.

_::Mistoffelees...::_


	6. Acceptance

I Give You 6

I Give You... VI

Tugger walked past the big tire in the center of the Junkyard. He smiled at the trail of queens and queen kits he had following him, keeping up the fascade of the ultimate ladies' tom that he was so known for. At his feet, Etcetera giggled and occasionally made a move to tag his tail, Bombalurina stayed away an exact distance from him, wanting him to know that she was there, but at the same time not wanting to make herself look too avalible. She was still sore about being rebuffed the previous evening. Electra, Victoria and Jemima also trailed Tugger closely, but were kept at a slightly larger distance because of Etcetera's exhuberant bouncing around. Tantomile was absent tonight, as was Cassandra.

"Tugger, could you sing for us?!" Etcetra asked, bouncing a little as she asked. "Pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaase?! It's been forever since you did it last!" Electra gave her friend a look and a small bap to the head.

"Silly." she stuck her tungue out at Etcetera, "You asked him to last night, and he did for a solid hour."

Victoria and Jemima nodded. "Yeah, you keep asking and he won't do it for us anymore." Jemima added. Etcetera's ears drooped a little, and her tail curved under her legs.

"Sorry." she said quietly, circling her toe in the dirt. Tugger looked at the queen kit's abashed look and sighed. It was going to take forever to make sure that Quaxo had gotten back to his pipe safely.

***

Quaxo staggered around in the blackness. _Mistoffelees?_ he cried out, fustrated, at the mysterious voices. _What does that mean?_

_::Contenplate the word. The meaning will become clear...::_ the voice answered, slowly trailing off into nothingness.

Quaxo dashed frantically every which way, trying to find the source of the voice, but unable to do so. _Wait! Please!_

After a moment, there was nothing but the sound of Quaxo's tired breathing. He looked up.

The stars had come back out again, as had the Moon.

_Beautiful..._ All thoughts of the voice gone at the magnificant sight. So close... He would never see them this close in the Junkyard.

_::Ineffable...::_

What was it the voice had said? Mistoffelees? What did that mean. It was nonsense to him...

_::Effable...::_

Quaxo felt something stir in the back of his mind. There _was_ something to it... But what?

_::Effanineffable...::_

A tightness welled up in Quaxo's throat. What that..? No, it couldn't be! Cats were supposed to contemplate it, not actually _find_ it until they went to the Heaviside Layer!

_::Deep and inscrutable...::_

Heat. The same heat as that which had seized him the night before. Quaxo felt it welling up, this time from within his body. More intense this time, as if it were trying to burn every last bit of what used to be Quaxo out of him to make way for someone new.

_::Singular name... name... name... name... name...::_

Quaxo let out a silent scream, falling to his knees, doing everything he could to get the heat out. But it was useless. The heat continued to rise until even the stars went out... 

***

Quickly slipping away from the queens while they were bickering over just who would get to dance with him, Tugger made his way quietly towards Quaxo's pipe. Checking to make sure that he had not been followed, the maned tom crept towards his goal. He was momentarily unnerved; however, when he heard the sounds of a cat thrashing about, and soft moans that sounded that they were emminating from Quaxo reached his ears. To his horror, upon ducking into the pipe, he found the small tom curled in a ball, hands covering his head. His tail was between his legs, and Tugger could hear a faint wimpering coming from Quaxo's shivering figure. Gently grabbing Quaxo's shoulders, Tugger pulled the black tom close to him, disregarding the mud that still caked his fur. "Quaxo..." he whispered softly into the other tom's ear. "Quaxo, it's okay. I'm here." he said, trying to comfort Quaxo as best he could, gently stroking his head and keeping him close with his arm.

After a few minutes, Quaxo's body seemed to shake less, and his eyes began to focus again. Slowly, he looked up at Tugger, confused. "Wh... what happened?" he asked shakily. Tugger kept gently stroking the back of Quaxo's head.

"You looked like you got a little upset over something." Tugger said softly. "But whatever it was, it's gone now." The two of them sat quietly for a while, Quaxo content just to hear the soft heartbeat and feel the rhythmic rise and fall of Tugger's chest. The smaller tom nuzzled the side of his face to Tugger's chest, feeling secure and warm. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" Tugger asked. "You know I'll listen to whatever's bothering you."

Quaxo sighed. How could he tell Tugger anything, dispite how much he wanted to. Jellicle's never told their third names to anyone... Of course, Jellicles also didn't usually have their third names told to them by mysterious voices. "Tugger..." Quaxo half-whispered/half-wimpered, "I don't know if I can." He looked down, ashamed.

Tugger frowned a little. "Quaxo?" 

Quaxo winced at the hint of hurt that he heard in Tugger's voice. He knew that he should be able to trust Tugger, especialy after the previous night. Quaxo felt his eyes start to dampen. "Tugger, I'm sorry!" He cried, pulling himself closer to Tugger, wanting the older tom to see that he didn't mean to hurt him. "I want to tell you..!"

"Then why can't you?" Tugger asked, gently pushing Quaxo back by the shoulders. "Quaxo, if you want this... Us, to work, don't lock yourself away from me." He looked down at Quaxo, but the smaller tom couldn't meet his gaze. With a sigh, Tugger lifted his hands from Quaxo's shoulders and stood up to leave.

Quaxo stayed on the floor, silent shudders threatening to overcome his body. "Tugger... please..." he begged. The maned tom stopped, but didn't turn.

"What do you want me to do, Quaxo?" he asked. "You won't let me get close to help you. I thought I proved myself to you last night, but I guess I was wrong."

Quaxo jumped up. "Tugger, that's not fair!" he protested. "I can't help that I'm frightened."

"Then let me help you!" Tugger shot back. 

"Tugger, it isn't that easy!" Quaxo practically shouted at Tugger. " There's just too much! I'm hearing these voices, feeling like I'm being burned from the inside out, being told that my Ineffible Name is 'Mistoffelees' and..." His voice trailed off in a sob as he crouched down, resting on the balls of his feet, his face held in his hands. Quaxo's body shook from crying. _Why can't he understand?_

"Mistoffelees?" Tugger asked, turning around. Curious Cat he was indeed.

_::Mistoffelees...::_ Quaxo let out a yelp, this time more from shock than pain, as a blue flare surrounded his hands, scorching the air around them. Tugger took a step forward to help Quaxo, but had to back off from the heat, which oddly enough, did not seem to be affecting Quaxo so much as the light was. The small tom's eyes were glazed over and didn't seem to be looking at anything. He slowly stood, using the wall of the pipe as support. Tugger could see that he was laboring to breathe. Once again he moved to help Quaxo, and was once again rebuffed by the intense heat.

Quaxo gasped as he felt the light start to cover him again, following the same path as it had the night before. But it wasn't painful this time. It was an odd sensation, like something was filling him. The seeds of what had been planted within his body the night before were growing, filling every last bit of him. Quaxo wanted to call to Tugger, wanted to feel the warm safety of his arms around him... but his voice failed him. Tugger could only watch Quaxo as the small tom struggled to stay on his feet. Quaxo's blue eyes momentarily fixed on him, pleading for Tugger to offer some solice.

Suddenly the blue seemed to engulf Quaxo entirely, forcing Tugger to turn away to shield his eyes. When it had subsided, Tugger turned back to see Quaxo looking like he had the previous night: sleek, black, beautiful.

All energy seemed to flood out of the small tom. "Tugger..." Quaxo tried to step forwards, but his legs seemed to give out from beneath him. Moving quickly, Tugger surged forward to catch Quaxo in his arms now that the heat had vanished. The small tom folded into Tugger's grasp, and huddled in his embrace. "Why Tugger?" he wimpered softly. "Why did you call me that name?"

"Because you said it." Tugger answered softly, gently stroking Quaxo's trembling body. "Is it really that? Your Ineffible Name?"

Quaxo was still for a moment, and then slowly nodded his head. "I think so." he whispered. "Why else would this happen?"

"I donno, Quaxo." Tugger replied.

_Quaxo..._ He was quiet for a moment, thinking. Then he shook his head slowly. "No." he sighed. "No, that's not right anymore. I can't run from it anymore. I can't pretend it's not happening to me."

"So you're Mistoffelees now?" Tugger asked quietly, praying that his saying that would not cause the small tom more pain.

"I think it depends... I think when I'm this way," Mistoffelees said slowly as he indicated his present state, "I'm Mistoffelees. When I'm back the other way, I'm Quaxo."

Tugger sighed. "That's going to be confusing."

Mistoffelees looked up. "Tugger?"

"Yeah?"

"Could... Could we keep this just between the two of us for right now?" Mistoffelees asked. "I don't know how I could really go about telling the others."

Tugger nodded. "Yeah, that would probably be a good idea. Explaining how you got so clean as Quaxo is going to be hard enough."

"And I still have to figure out the why of this." Mistofelees added. "This wouldn't happen without a reason behind it. The Everlasting Cat wouldn't permit it."

For a while the two simply lay there, nither wanting to do anything to disturb the moment. Slowly, Mistoffelees raised a hand, tentitively, towards Tugger's face. When his fingertips reached Tugger's cheek, the older tom looked down with a questioning look. Mistoffelees drew his hand away for a brief moment, but then placed it gently along Tugger's strong jaw again.

"Tugger," he said softly, "I wanted to say I'm sorry. I should have trusted you more."

Tugger smiled and pulled Mistoffelees closer to him. "I should be apologizing to you." he replied. "You had every right to be scared. I should have been more understanding."

"Does that make everything even?" Mistoffelees smiled.

"Yeah, I guess it does." Tugger smiled back, at the same time letting a hand fall and brush Mistoffelees' back. The black tom shivered a little, this time from pleasure. He knew what could lie ahead this time. "Like that?" Tugger grinned a bit at Mistoffelees' reaction.

"Tease." Mistoffelees purred, in spite of himself. He looked down at Tugger's chest. "You know you're filthy." he whispered.

Tugger grinned. "That would be your fault."

"_My_ fault?" Misoffelees pretended to look shocked. "As I seem to recall, the mud disguise was your idea."

"But you got it all over me." Tugger pointed out.

A mischivious grin passed over Misoffelees' face. It was that same impish smile that Tugger had seen earlier, and he decided that it very defenitely fit Mistoffelees' face. "So I suppose I should be the one to do something about it?"

Tugger nodded. "You could at least help me find a water hole to clean up..." he paused when he felt something gently running along the legnth of his chest. Mistoffelees' tungue gently ran over Tugger's smooth fur, cleaning it of the dirt that the smaller tom had rubbed off on him earlier. Gradually, the grooming became more tender and more sensual as the smaller tom came closer to Tugger's face. Moaning softly, Tugger reclined onto his back, giving Mistoffelees more freedom of movement. Slowly, soft kisses replaced the gentle tungue. Mistoffelees straddled Tugger's hips and slowly made his way up from the larger tom's chest to his neck, leaving a trail of kisses behind. "Mistoffelees..." Tugger groaned softly as he felt the small tom's lips. Mistoffelees paused and lay his chin on Tugger's chest.

"Yes?" He asked quietly. 

"You're going to have to stop."

Mistoffelees sat up and looked puzzled. "Why? I... I thought..."

It was Tugger's turn to smile. "Don't want you getting skewered." he aswered, reaching a hand back to unfasten his collar. Tossing the spiked collar to one side, Tugger wrapped his arms around Mistoffelees and gently pulled him back down against his own body. "Ready?" he asked. Mistoffelees nodded with a small smile. "Good." Tugger purred as he drew Mistoffelees closer.

Mistoffelees felt a warm surge rush through his body as their lips touched. He moaned a little, and his body pressed itself against Tugger's. Tugger's fingers stroked his back lightly, massaging the legnth from his neck to the base of his tail. One hand carelessly found its way over to Mistoffelees' font, and the small tom gave a surprised gasp which faded into a moan of pleasure as he felt a unfamiliar, but increadibly pleasurable, wave of heat well up. Tugger smiled and brushed Mistoffelees' face with the back of his hand. "Did you like that?" Mistoffelees nodded, a little shaken, and enjoying the lingering feeling of the touch. "Then how about I show you a little more?"

Before Mistoffelees could say annything, the small tom found himself on his back looking into the rich brown eyes of the Rum Tum Tugger. He knew instinctively what was about to happen, but wanted to let Tugger lead him. Gently, Tugger lowered himself so that he was only inches from Mistoffelees. "Let me know if you want me to stop." he whispered into Mistoffelees' ear. "I don't want to hurt you." Mistoffelees nodded, his heart racing.

Those words never came.

The only sounds were soft moans of pleasure from both toms throughout the night. 


	7. Continuation

I Give You 7 

I Give You... VII

At the Vicarage Old Deuteronomy suddenly awoke with a start from his rest. He looked around, searching for the source of the disturbance to his rest. Finding nothing, the old tom closed his eyes and relaxed. Letting his mind empty, the Jellicle Leader entered a trance-like state which he often used to communicate with the Everlasting Cat. It was his way of finding what the Jellicle deity wished for her kittens to do.

_There is something strange nearby._ he thought gently, knowing the answer would come if he was simply patient.

_::There is one in every generation...::_ the Voice replied.

The slightest sign of a furrow showed itself on the brow of the old tom. _There is one?_

_::One whose Inneffible Name must be known...::_

_But there is no danger to the Tribe?_

_::He has accepted it. There is no danger. Time is the only obstacle to keep the One from being one of the most powerful Jellicles.::_

Then there was silence. Old Deuteronomy knew that the Voice would not come back. She had told all she wanted known to him. But for now he was satisfied. The Voice had said there was no danger and he had absolute faith in the Voice. Slowly, the old tom drifted back to sleep.

***

Quaxo's eyes slowly opened to the first rays of light that were flickering through a small hole in his pipe. He frowned, slightly annoyed. That hole had needed patching for a while. One of these days he was actually going to have to do it. The small tom started to roll over, but found that he was stuck in the rather confined position of having his back to a wall, and one of Tugger's arms around him. Quaxo smiled, this was a hardship he could live with for a little while.

Settling back down next to Tugger, Quaxo noticed that his right paw was white again. During the night his coat had once again changed color. Puzzled, he sighed. Now that he finally accepted this change, why couldn't the voices come back and help him understand what to do? He knew now what caused him to change from Quaxo to Mistoffelees, but what caused him to change back? Sleep? Unconciousness? It couldn't be lack of concentration. After all, the previous night had given Quaxo little reason to concentrate on what his coat looked like. All his attention had been rivited on the tom that was laying next to him. 

Turning his attention away from the problem, Quaxo nuzzled Tugger gently in the larger tom's mane of fur. Tugger stirred a little, finally waking up. Looking down to see Quaxo curled up next to him, Tugger smiled. "Morning."

Quaxo looked up. "Morning." he replied softly.

Off in the distance they could hear the happy cries of the kittens about. "TUUUUUUUUUUUUGERRRRRRRRR!" Etcetera's voice dominated the pack."

"Your public awaits." Quaxo said, looking up with an amused smile. Tugger grumbled and sat up.

"Don't those kits ever get tired of chasing me around?" he muttered, finding his collar and fastening it around his neck. "It's not like I'm the only tom in the Junkyard."

Sitting up, Quaxo laughed. "Oh, but I can certainly see the attraction." The impish smile crossed his face as he watched Tugger get up, his blue eyes following the single fluid motion.

"Yeah, but I'm gonna have to break their hearts eventually." Tugger replied. "And I don't think they'll be too happy when they see who beat them."

"Especially Bomby." Quaxo nodded. Tugger gave a small shudder at what the red queen's reaction was going to be. He didn't think that being beaten out by a tom was something Bomby was going to take very well.

"So what's the plan?" he asked the smaller tom. Quaxo was quiet for a few minutes.

"I need to see if I can get those voices to come back." he finally answered. "They know what's going on. Maybe if I just try to think about it, they'll come back and help me."

Tugger knelt down next to him, laying his hand gently on Quaxo's shoulder. "Anything I can do to help?" he asked. 

"Don't think so." Quaxo replied with a smile. "I think this is something I need to figure out for myself. But thanks, Tugger." 

"So Tugger gets the day off." Tugger grinned. "I think I can handle that. Maybe I'll just go exasperate Munk or something." Quaxo just laughed and shook his head. Tugger's grin got a bit bigger. "Get a few of Skimble's hairs out of place, generally be a pest. That sounds like fun today." Then he gently took Quaxo's chin in his hand and looked into the bright blue eyes of the smaller tom. "You just be careful, alright? No more fits. I have to start worrying about you now, you know."

Quaxo blushed a little. Tugger smiled, glad that Quaxo was still innocent enough to blush. That was one of things that mildly turned him off from Cassandra and Bomby. Both of the queens were too worldly. "I'll be careful." Quaxo replied quietly.

"Good." Tugger purred softly. Then he leaned forward and gave the tuxedoed tom a light kiss on the lips. Not the passionate, desire filled kind of the night before, but a tender one passed between two lovers. He felt Quaxo's fingers alight on the side of his face, lingering just a moment before the two toms pulled away from each other. "See ya." Tugger said, reluctantly, before slipping out of the pipe and into the Junkyard.

Quaxo sighed as he wached the older tom walk away. He knew his face was red, he could feel the heat in his cheeks where the blush had risen. He wondered if that would ever cease. A small smile passed over his face as he hoped it would not.

_::You have accepted...::_

Quaxo jumped. The voices! _Y... Yes..._ he stammered mentaly, not quite sure how to go about talking to this mysterious voice now. It was one thing to yell and scream at it, another all together when you wanted to be civil to it.

_::You must now learn. Go.::_

_Go?_ Quaxo thought, confused. Then, a mental image flashed in his head - A section of the Junkyard he had never seen before. Deserted, remote, hard to find... And he knew how to get there. Quaxo sighed. Sending things into his mind and body was apparently the specialty of whatever this voice was.

Poking his head out of his pipe, he heard the distant sounds of kittens mewing happily around Tugger as he was giving them every excuse as to why he had slipped away from them the night before. Quaxo couldn't help but snicker. If they only knew the real reason... At any rate, Tugger would manage to keep attention away from his den until he could get away. Scurrying out of the pipe, Quaxo dashed along side-paths and trails through the Junkyard, much as he had two nights previously. This time, however; he had a destination firmly in mind. The voice had made certain of that.

***

"So where were you last night?" Bombalurina asked, slipping through the throng of kittens to get next to Tugger. "I missed you." she added, a seductive smile on her lips. Tugger gave her a playful swat on the rear.

"Just needed some 'me' time, Bomby." he grinned. "Why? How much did you miss me?" It surprised him how much the excuse made his stomach turn. He knew he had promised Quaxo that he would keep everything quiet for now, but he wasn't much getting into this lying thing.

Bombalurina tussled his mane. "Missed you enough." she smiled. "Wanna let me show you how much?"

"Nah." Tugger replied. "I was going to see Munk."

Bombalurina frowned. "Munk? How come? Don't tell me he's more fun to be with than I am."

Tugger shook his head. "Nope. I just wanted to see how my favorite Jellicle Protector was getting on." he smiled as he easily got away from the red queen and started towards the giant tire where Munk was most likely going to be found. And he was indeed there. Munk was sitting alone on the tire, carefully surveying the Junkyard. Tugger smiled and shook his head. Munk was entirely too serious about this protecting thing. Although, now that he had something to protect himself...

"I heard you weren't in the Junkyard two nights ago." the silver tabby said casualy as Tugger came to sit next to him. Actually, it was more an inquiry. Munkustrap didn't like it when the normal routine of the tribe was disturbed.

"Quaxo got himself lost. Had to go find him." Tugger shrugged.

Munkustrap looked over. "You should have told me. We could have formed a search party. Between you, me, Skimble, Asparagus and Alonzo we could have had him back here in an hour."

_Heaviside..._ Tugger swore mentally, _Why's he got to be so damn responsible!?_

"It was my fault he got lost in the first place." Tugger replied. "So I figured I should be the one to get him back. Besides, we're both fine." Munkustrap sighed.

"Well, I suppose I should be happy you're at least showing some responsibility. But," he gave Tugger a small smile, "next time let me know. Demeter was giving me the worst chewing out because I couldn't stop pacing."

Tugger laughed. "Okay, okay. Gotcha."

"Old Deuteronomy..." 

Tugger's head snapped up to look in the direction Munkustrap had turned. Sure enough, the Jellicle Leader was slowly making his way towards the tire. Tugger felt his heart sink. There wasn't any way he could hide anything if the Jellicle Leader asked him. Old Deuteronomy could see though a lie as if it wasn't there. _Heaviside, don't let him ask anything... Just this once!_ He noticed the rest of the tribe (minus Quaxo) starting to gather at the base of the tire, so Tugger jumped up to his usual position on a nearby pipe. When Old Deuteronomy looked at him, Tugger flashed his biggest smile, gave his standard bow, and hoped that the old tom wouldn't notice the fact that every nerve in his body was on end.

As he got onto the tire, Old Deuteronomy looked out on all the smiling Jellicle faces that were staring back at him.

And he noticed the one absent one.

"Where is Quaxo?" he asked. Each of the Jellicles looked at each other with confused looks on their faces, each trying to see if anyone else knew. "When was he seen last?" he asked, wondering if another question would bring better results.

"I saw him when Tugger brought him back yesterday." Jemima said, quietly. The other kittens nodded, as did Bombalurina. Old Deuteronomy turned to look at Tugger, who pretended to be preoccupied with some dirt stuck to the end of of his tail.

"Tugger? Do you know where Quaxo might be?"

"As in right now?"

"That would be preferable."

"No clue." Tugger said. Perfectly true. Quaxo's den was probably too close to the rest of the cats for the small tom's taste right now. He'd probably left for a more secluded area. "He did mention that he had some stuff to do today, though. Nothing specific."

Old Deuteronomy frowned. Nothing Tugger was saying was a lie, but he didn't seem to be giving the absolute truth. He would have to talk to the Curious Cat later. If he was hiding something, then it was obviously something that he didn't want passed around the tribe.

***

Quaxo looked around the small clearing. It was the one that he had seen in his mind, not much different from other areas, but he was sure that he was in the right one. He sighed. All he could do now was wait for the voices. Quaxo crossed his arms and waited.

Nothing

A furrow creased his brow. Might as well keep himself entertained while he waited.

With a light skip, Quaxo started into an inpromptu dance, gingerly twirling and jumping around the small clearing. Aside from the stars, dance was his next favorite love. _Well, Tugger certainly merits a place in there now, too._ Quaxo smiled, twirling several times before finishing with a small flurish.

_::You are ready?::_

Quaxo jumped, surprized. _Ah, yeah... Umm, you weren't, like, watching that, were you?_ he asked, kind of embarrassed that he was asking the question of a disembodied mental voice.

No answer...

_Ummm, right. So, uh, what did you want me to come here for?_ Quaxo asked.

_::It is here you will learn.::_ the voice replied.

_What am I going to be learning?_ Quaxo's tail flipped about nervously. 

_::The skills of the Conjuring Cat.::_ the voice answered. _::To create light where there is darkness, to create illusions, to make things vanish and then reappear, those are the skills of the Conjuring Cat.::_

Quaxo scratched his head. _So, I'm supposed to be some sort of magician?_

The voice was silent for a moment. _::If that is how you would prefer to think of it, then yes.::_ it finally replied. _::Now, there is much work to be done. The Jellicle Moon is not many months away, and you must be ready.::_

_T... The Jellicle Moon?_ Quaxo felt his heart jump. _What am I supposed to do there?_

_::The Tribe must know of you. There is no other way. Events will come to pass that will leave you with no choice.::_

Quaxo didn't like the cryptic tone of the voice. _Events? What do you mean by that?_

_::It will become apparent when the time comes. You will know what will need to be done then.::_

The small tom sighed. He wasn't going to get anything out of the voice this way.

_::Are you ready to begin?::_ the voice asked. Quaxo nodded.

_As ready as I'm ever going to be._


	8. Understanding

I Give You... VIII

"Tugger? Would you come down here for a moment please? My old body isn't quite as nimble as it used to be and I'm quite likely to break something if I try and get up into that pipe." Old Deuteronmy called up to Tugger after the crowd of cats had left the tire. Tugger lazily lifted his head and looked down at the Jellicle Leader. Then, taking his time dusting himself off, he jumped down from his pipe lounge to the tire.

"You call?" he said with a typically broad grin.

Old Deuteronomy nodded. "Indeed, Tugger. How are you today? We don't talk much these days. What have you been up to?"

The small hairs on the back of Tugger's neck stood up. Old Deuteronomy usually only wanted these sorts of talks when he was trying to get something out of Tugger. "Not much. Had to go find Quaxo when he got lost in the Junkyard, that's about it." he said. Hoping that would satisfy Deuteronomy.

"Nothing else?" Deuteronomy asked. Tugger shook his head. "Then why am I getting the feeling that you're not telling me everything?"

Tugger half-growled/half-groaned and leaned up against the base of the pipe lounge, not looking at the Jellicle Leader. Lying was the last thing he wanted to do, but he wasn't about to betray his word to Quaxo. "Probably 'cause I'm not." the Curious Cat muttered.

"Well, I suppose that is an answer." Deuteronomy said thoughtfully. "Is there any particular reason you are not going to share anything else with me?"

"Because I promised not to. Not to you, not to anyone." Tugger said quietly. "Don't make me break my word. It's one of the few things about me that cats can take seriously."

Deuteronomy didn't say anything for a moment. "Tugger..."

"Sir, please don't..." Tugger begged, giving the Jellicle Leader a pained look. "I mean, I'd like to tell you, really I would, but I promised. It's nothing that's going to hurt the tribe, I promise."

"And that's all you're going to tell me?"

Tugger nodded, resolute.

"Then I'll respect that." Deuteronomy replied.

"Thank you." Tugger said quietly, as he watched Deuteronomy turn and walk back towards the vicarage.

Damn... Quaxo was going to have a time of it when he saw Old Deuteronomy next.

***

Tugger tracked Quaxo from the smaller tom's den to the clearing where he had run off to earlier. When Tugger reached the clearing, he stopped looked around for Quaxo. He quickly found him sitting on an overturned oil drum, staring out into space. Frowning, and worried that the small tom was having another fit, he waved a hand in front of Quaxo's face. Imediately Quaxo snapped out of his reverie and, after taking a moment to focus his eyes, looked over at Tugger with a smile on his face.

"I take it from that look that you've had a productive morning?" Tugger asked.

Quaxo's grin spread until it was nearly ear-to-ear. "Productive doesn't even begin to describe it!" he laughed. "It all makes so much sense now!"

"Mind filling me in, then?" Tugger asked with a smile, planting a hand on either side of the oil drum. "Considering I've been covering your tail all morning. Let me tell you, Old Deuteronomy is one tough tom to keep things from."

Quaxo's smile faded. "Old Deuteronomy..? Heaviside... No, no! Not yet..."

"Not yet? What not yet?" Tugger asked.

Quaxo looked up into Tugger's eyes. "It's the Voice... It's only one, I've figured that much out. But that's off-subject... What it said, no one can know yet. The Voice was very explicit about that."

Tugger sighed. "How much longer? Something like this isn't easy to keep secret in a Junkyard with two Mystical Cats _and_ Old Deuteronomy."

Quaxo bit his lip. "Until the Jellicle Ball."

"The Jellicle Ball!?" Tugger exclaimed. "That's _two months_, Quaxo! I don't know if that's possible."

Quaxo's ears drooped. "I know, I know. But that's what the Voice said, and I have to at least try to listen to it. It knows what it's saying and... well, I just know that it's something I have to listen to."

Tugger sighed. "Two months... You are troublesome sometimes, you know that don't you?" He smiled at the smaller tom.

Quaxo's face broke into a smile as well as he slipped off the drum and slowly moved to the center of the clearing. Tugger watched Quaxo's graceful movements with an approving eye. "Well," Quaxo said, looking back over his shoulder, "Mistoffelees is a play on one human word for a devil, you know." Then, as he finished the sentence, Tugger was amazed to see Quaxo's coat shimer for a brief moment before becoming the sleek black of Mistoffelees. Mistoffelees' laughed a bit at Tugger's expression. "That was my first lesson today." he explained. "I know how to control it now."

"Does this mean no more fits?" Tugger asked, leaning back against the drum and crossing his arms.

Mistoffelees nodded. "Those were just to get my attention." he explained. "If I don't try to ignore the Voice then there's no fit."

"Good." Tugger grinned. "I was getting tired of having to drag your tail places. But," he paused, "what does this voice want with you, anyway?"

Mistoffelees shrugged. "I'm still not really clear on that myself. It said I'm something called a 'Conjuring Cat.'"

"That's like a magician, isn't it?" Tugger asked.

Mistoffelees nodded. "Something like that. I said the same thing and the Voice said that I could think of it that way if it helped me." Then the small tom's eyes were unfocused. Tugger took a step forword, worried that Mistoffelees had been wrong about the fits. He paused when Mistoffelees' eyes suddenly snapped into focus and, with a smile, the magician was suddenly holding a red scarf in his hands. The smile faded when he saw the concerned look on Tugger's face. "What's wrong?" he asked the older tom.

"You blanked out there for a sec." Tugger sighed. "I thought you might be, well, you know..."

A soft smile crept over Mistofflees' face. He stepped up to Tugger and wrapped his arms around Tugger's waist, nuzzling his cheek into the thick mane of fur. "I'm fine, I promise." Mistoffelees whispered. "No more fits. 'Blanking out' isn't like the fits at all."

Tugger couldn't help but smile a bit. A few days ago, heck, yesterday, this tom had been practically falling apart at the seams. Now he seemed so sure of himself. "Amazing what a few days can do, eh?" Tugger said softly. Mostoffelees nodded.

"Yeah."

***

Time passed, and things started to fall back into something resembling a routine for both Quaxo and Tugger. The days were mostly spent by Quaxo being instructed by the Voice in the secluded areas of the Junkyard and Tugger either covering for him, or just trying to survive the constant attention of the kittens. Bombalurina had been giving him the cold shoulder of late, overtly flirting with Admetus, Mungojerrie or any avalible tom. Not that it was accomplishing much. Tugger simply got more and more annoyed with the red queen.

Old Deuteronomy had kept his word to not pry into Tugger's business, but the Jellicle Leader couldn't help but think that what Tugger was involved with was somehow tied into that disturbance that he had felt. He would trust the Curious Cat, but Deuteronomy liked to be kept informed about what was going on in the tribe, and the uncertainty was gnawing at him.

Munkustrap found the Jellicle Leader on the Vicarage wall in one of his more contemplative moods. While Munkustrap didn't leave the Junkyard often, he would visit his sire at his favorite haunt on occasion. Even Munkustrap needed to escape the pressures that could be found in the Junkyard on occasion. "Catnip mouse for your thoughts." he said quietly, observing Old Deuteronomy's thoughtful expression. A mixture of puzzlement and irritation, a combination not seen often on the face of the older tom.

Deuteronomy sighed and sat up. "There's something that's going to happen, but I have no idea what it is." he finally replied.

It was Munkustrap's turn to look confused. "I'm not quite sure I understand, sir."

"A few weeks ago, there was a tremendous disturbance. Not a physical one, but one on a more psycic plane."

Munkustrap nodded. "I seem to recall a day when both Coricopat and Tantomile excused themselves rather suddenly. They said that they had gotten a headache. I didn't think too much of it."

"It was probably the same thing." Deuteronomy nodded. "I don't believe it to be a hostile occurance. I've even gotten assurances from the Everlasting Cat that it is in fact quite friendly. But that's all I can discover."

Munkustrap was quiet for a moment. "What do you plan on doing?"

Old Deuteronomy sighed. "I'm not sure, Munkustrap. I trust the Everlasting Cat, but at the same time I want to make sure that there's nothing happening that could possibly hurt any of the tribe. The only thing I can do right now is wait."

"Wait for what, sir?" Munkustrap asked.

"The Jellicle Ball."

***

Quaxo looked up at the stars. He smiled. They were still so beautiful, just as they had been since as long as he could remember. But the coldness seemed to have left them. They seemed so warm to him now, like he could draw strength from them when he needed to. Flipping back onto his stomach, Quaxo let out a little caugh. His mud disguise was drying, and dust was starting to jostle loose whenever he moved. The nearest water hole was across the yard. Quaxo groaned a little. Bill Bailey and Carbucketty were playing directly in his path. Nothing short of a wide detour would be keeping him out of trouble today.

Of course, if he wanted to he _could_ simply teleport himself there. Quaxo pondered on that for a moment before rejecting the idea. To do that, he'd have to completely change. If one of the others found him as Mistoffelees... Well, the Voice had said to not let anyone see him that way, and he didn't want to do anything that might make the Voice mad.

But at any rate, it was going to be a dash around the yard.

Quaxo quickly made his way over to the other side of the yard. It wasn't hard avoiding the others. Bill Bailey and Carby weren't exactly the most attentive of cats.

When he reached the water hole, Quaxo looked into it and sighed. The cat looking back at him, dirty, fur sticking every which way, whiskers uncombed... He looked at bad as Macavity. "Why does it have to be this way?" Quaxo sighed, his front paws sinking a little into the mud.

"Well, you could just take a bath!" came a voice from behind. Seconds later, Quaxo was surprised to find himself face-first in the water, sputtering and shaking his head to keep the water and mud from running into his eyes. Behind him he could hear the laughter of Bill Bailey and Carbucketty. Apparently they were a little more watchful than he had given them credit for. Quaxo glowered at them over his shoulder, hands forming fists in the mud.

"Oh, you horrid little kittens!" The familiar voice of Jennyanydots suddenly was heard over the laughter, which was abruptly cut short. "Off with the two of you! Scat! I'll deal with you later!" Bill Bailey and Carby quickly ran off, still snickering, dispite the inevitable scolding to come from the Gumbie Cat. "Those two..." she huffed, hands on her hips. "I've got to find something for them to do before they get into worse trouble." Turning, she saw Quaxo starting to climb out of the water hole. "Quaxo, you poor thing! You're filthy!" She lay a hand on his shoulder, which the small tom quickly scooted out from under.

"I'm fine, really." he muttered, trying to keep his voice steady. As kind and motherly as Jenny was, she had a way of being intimidating at the same time.

Jenny got a firm grip on his shoulder and directed him over to an old bucket to sit on. "Nonsense. You're all muddy and wet."

"I'm always muddy." Quaxo protested.

Jenny started to gently groom him like she had when he was a small kitten. "But you're soaking wet. You'll catch your death if you walk around like this..."

"But I don't need you to give me a bath!" he tried to squirm out of the Gumbie Cat's grasp. "Come on, Jenny! I'm not a kitten!"

Jenny paid him no mind whatsoever. She had helped raise Quaxo from a kitten, and inevitably that's what he was always going to be to him. "Honestly, Quaxo. It really does amaze me sometimes how little you actually groom yourself. I know the kitten I raised was a little black thing." She flicked off some of the mud that had congealed around Quaxo's ears. "You wouldn't know it at all by looking at you! You're grayer than Old Deuteronomy!

And so Quaxo was held captive for the longest cleaning he thought he'd ever had. He felt his face go red as he noticed the occasional kitten pass by and snicker. _This is **so**_ demeaning... But when Jenny was finished, she smiled and seemed truely pleased.

Quaxo's coat was the cleanest it had been without the use of magic in a long time. The experianced cleaning techniques of the Gumbie Cat had done and excellent job of revealing what Tugger and Quaxo had been trying so hard to hide; extreme white patches and silky black as well as fine lines of black running along his face. The small tom's ears lay flat, unsure as to what reaction he should expect from Jenny.

To his surprise, there wasn't one.

"Now doesn't it feel better to be clean?" Jenny smiled. "I don't think I've seen you this clean in quite a while."

Quaxo was rather dumbstruck. He had neglected intensive grooming for so long, and been so in the background, that Jennyanydots, one of the queens who had raised him, didn't notice anything different about him! He walked back to his den, rather amused. He and Tugger had been certain that at least the new markings on his face would be noticed, but if Jenny didn't... 

***

Tugger found Quaxo sitting on top of the pipe entrance to his den later on in the evening. "You're all clean?" Tugger asked, curious. "When did you decide on that?"

"When I got an ambush bath by Jennyanydots." Quaxo huffed. "I swear, she's never gonna treat me like a grown cat!" He looked up at Tugger. "She didn't even flinch. Didn't notice a thing!"

"So you've been hiding all this time for no reason?" Tugger grinned. Quaxo nodded. "Gonna drop it now?" 

Quaxo nodded. "Might as well. Jenny knows about it, but didn't think anything of it. No reason to be dirty now."

"Except I'm gonna have to start worrying about some little queen running off with you." Tugger smiled, leaning up against the pipe. "I've got a catnip mouse that says Victoria or Sillabub stakes a claim when they see you like this."

Quaxo smiled back. "Even if they do..." he flicked his wrist around, suddenly producing a large red blanket, "I still have my vague and aloof manner to fall back on. Now, did you have any plans for the evening?" he asked, whipping the blanket around the two of them.

"Well," Tugger looked down at his claws, pretending to stifle a yawn, "there was this really cute little black cat that I've had my eye on all day..."

Mistoffelees rolled his eyes, but smiled. "You terrible bore." he purred softly before the two cats suddenly dissapeared from view in a small burst of light. 


	9. Disturbance

I Give You... IX

The two cats appeared as suddenly as they had dissapeared. Tugger looked around for a moment, a bit disoriented from the sudden burst of magic. Mistoffelees had transported them to Tugger's den, which was across the Junkyard from where they had been. Then he looked down to see Mistoffelees breathing heavily. The larger tom quickly caught the smaller in his arms to prevent him from falling. "You alright?" he asked, worried. Somewhat surprisingly, Mistoffelees looked up with a tired smile on his face.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine Tugger... We made it?" he asked wearily.

Tugger nodded. "If you were aiming for my place, then yes." Then it was his turn to smile. Picking Mistoffelees up in his arms, he carried the young tom over to his bed and lay him down as carefully as if he were made of glass. Sitting down next to him, Tugger placed one hand on Mistoffelees' head. "You _trying_ to kill yourself, or just trying to give me a heart attack?"

Mistoffelees shook his head. "No, I just like being waited on." he grinned and nuzzled his head up into Tugger's palm.

Tugger smiled and shook his head. "This another one of your new tricks?" he asked. Mistoffelees nodded.

"First time with another cat though." he said, his breathing normal now. "I've been practicing conjuring little things for the last week. I've been able to conjure myself for a while, though."

Suddenly getting to his feet, Tugger moved to a corner of his den. "Guess I should offer you something. Hungry? Thirsty?" he asked. "I've got some Argentine joint that I got from 'Jerrie and 'Teazer in return for not reporting them to Munk for swiping it." Mistoffelees nodded. 

"Sounds wonderful." he said, rolling onto his stomach before sliding off the bed and over to Tugger's side. Tugger noticed the small black cat and was once again struck by how absolutely wonderful he was in every respect.

Mistoffelees was standing just off to Tugger's side, with both of his hands behind his back as he leaned forwards to watch his spotted companion. His blue eyes were as expressive as ever, hinting at more life than Tugger had ever seen behind them. "Food can't be this exciting, can it?" he asked with an amused smile. Mistoffelees just shrugged, deftly slipping a piece of joint and quickly popping it into his mouth. 

"Good though." he grinned, cleaning his fingers. Tugger ambled back to the bed and nodded in agreement. 

"I'll say. Folks in Victoria Grove sure know how to live."

Mistoffelees' face then turned thoughtful. "Tugger?" he asked quietly, his hand winding itself in the short fur of his partner's tail, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." Tugger replied, sitting up to give Mistoffelees his full attention. "What do you want to know?"

The small tom sighed softly. "I... I was just wondering what you think might have happened if things had gone differently that night. What if I hadn't run off? What if you'd gotten the others instead of looking for me on your own?" He looked up at Tugger with his bright blue eyes. "If you think about it, we're only together like this now because of chance. I mean, would either of us have admitted anything if we hadn't been in that shelter, me scared out of my fur almost literally and you taking care of me?" Tugger was put-off slightly by the question. Mistoffelees must have sensed it, and his nimble fingers slipped quickly out of Tugger's fur and back towards his own body.

_You really haven't changed all that much._ Tugger thought to himself, a little sadly. _There's still the same Quaxo there, under all that magic, still wondering if there is anyone who really cares._ Then something occured to Tugger.

Mistoffelees/Quaxo was an orphan. He had been brought to the Jellicle tribe by Old Deuteronomy from another Jellicle tribe. From what he had been told, Quaxo (since he hadn't become Mistoffelees yet) had been one of the sole survivors of a battle between the tribe and a pack of Pekes. The others in his tribe had either not been able to care for him, or didn't want to take on the added responsibility. So Quaxo had become a communal kitten in this Jellicle tribe, being constantly shuttled from Jellylorum to Jennyanydots, and even occasionally to Bustopher Jones or Skimbleshakes. The idea of some cat wanting Quaxo to be around them was almost foreign to him. No wonder he was still a little wary. 

"Mistoffelees?"

"Yes?" he answered softly, almost timidly.

"Change."

"Change?"

"Uh-huh. Change. Right now."

Mistoffelees looked a little confused, but did what he was told. A second later Mistoffelees was gone and Quaxo was sitting quietly next to him. Tugger reached out and pulled the smaller tom close to him, gently stroking the back of his head. Quaxo didn't look like he knew what to do, but Tugger heard a soft sigh as Quaxo nestled into his ruff. "I don't really belive in thinking too much about the past like that." Tugger purred quietly. "Sure, it might not have happened. Of course, it might have, just maybe some other way. But it did happen that way, and what passed between us did happen, so I'm not going to think about anything but that." Smiling, Tugger looked down at Quaxo. "You're stuck with me, Quaxo - Mistoffelees. No matter which one you are, I love you completely."

***

"THAT TOM IS SO _INFURIATING_!!!"

Demeter practically jumped into Munkustrap's arms. She turned around to see a fuming Bombalurina stalking towards her and Munkustrap. The two cats could almost see the black cloud hanging over the scarlett queen's head. "Bomby, what's wrong?" Demeter asked. Bomby having tom trouble was almost completely unheard of. And when she did, it could only be over one tom... Rum Tum Tugger, the one tom who wouldn't fall over himself to get in good with her.

"What's my littermate done this time?" Munkustrap groaned. Everytime Tugger managed to get Bomby in this state, he was usually the one who caught flack over it.

Bombalurina flopped down on the mattress next to the tire and cupped her chin in her hands. "You mean what _hasn't_ he done..." she growled. "The Jellicle Ball is tomorrow and the jerk hasn't even practiced with me once!"

Demeter ventured to try and cheer her sister up. "Well, Bomby, it's not like you really need the practice..."

"And I'm sure there's plenty of other toms who'd be more than happy to practice with you." Munkustrap added. "Alonzo, Coricopat, Admetus, Victor, just to name a few."

Bombalurina hissed. "That's not the point. He's been outright avoiding me for weeks." She glowered in the direction of Tugger's den. "He's up to something, I just know it."

"Bomby, I think you're over-reacting just a little." Demeter laughed. "Tugger's hardly the conspiritorial kind."

Munkustrap followed Bombalurina's gaze. He wasn't so sure. Remembering the day after Tugger had rescued Quaxo, the Jellicle Protector couldn't help but think that there might be something to Bombalurina's words, probably more than she knew. Tugger had talked to Old Deuteronomy, and Munkustrap knew that the Jellicle Leader had been defenitely unsatisfied with the conversation... 

***

It was the morning of the Jellicle Ball. Old Deuteronomy lay on the Vicarage wall, soaking in the sunlight. A sunny day was rare this time of year in England. But, dispite the weather, Deuteronomy couldn't help but feel uneasy. Was something going to happen at the Ball? 

***

Quaxo sat on top of the pipe that led into his den. His tail twitched nervously. "What's wrong?" Tugger asked softly.

"Something's wrong." Quaxo replied quietly, not wanting any of the nearby kittens to hear him. "It feels like something terrible is going to happen soon." Tugger frowned. He didn't want to worry the smaller tom any more, but he had heard Coricopat and Tantomile quietly talking to each other earlier in the day. Their conversation had been along the exact lines.

"Think we should tell Munk?"

Quaxo sighed and shook his head helplessly. "I don't know." he replied. "I don't know if it's me just being nervous about being asked to dance the Invitation with Victoria or if it's something really serious." 

Tugger sat down next to Quaxo and wrapped an arm over his shoulders. "We'll just keep our eyes open." he tried to reassure Quaxo. "I don't see how anything could happen with the whole tribe together on our own turf."

***

He sat deep within his sanctum. Tonight was the night. The Jellicles would be at their most vunerable now. There would be no peremeter guards as all of the cats would be at the Jellicle Ball. The kittens would be with the cats, causing the priorities of protection to change. As he thought of the plan, his mouth twisted into a cruel smile, lips parting to display lethal fangs. His claws unknowingly drummed a long forgotten rythem, the beat to a past existance.

In front of him stood three others. Two small and black, almost more like rats than their true form. The third was almost unrecognisible as he was draped in a mask and cloak that would have looked comedic were it not for the purpose for which it had been crafted.

"Ready yourselves." he said in a wickedly soft voice. "Tonight we shall destroy the Jellicles."

***

**Okay guys, next chapter is the grand finale! First couple of reviews on this chapter might help dictate the direction this story goes!**


End file.
